why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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