hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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