Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
