would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
