So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
