i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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