It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
