How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
now i know why i became what i already was.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
