If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize