U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize