can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
