Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
