I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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