She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
