You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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