life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
