Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
