i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
