Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
