And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
