he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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