if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize