Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
