this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
