If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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