I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
