I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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