Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize