I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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