i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
