So drunk its hurt
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
