i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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