FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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