We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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