Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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