That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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