i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
