I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
