I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
