Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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