I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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