Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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