I'm so fucking centered right now
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Your dad touched me again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
