sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
