in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize