The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
