**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
