whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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