I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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