It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
