I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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