my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize