Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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