Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
