Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
