That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
