No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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