thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
