I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
