We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
