He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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