I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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