You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
