Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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