Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
