Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
