you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
