omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
