I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
