Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
