Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
