I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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