I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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