I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
