i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
