Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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