i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
